Seriously, looking for another job.

On Friday afternoon I was informed that I would no longer be at my desk starting Monday, but instead move back to my other position. Essentially I was demoted. Not only did they move me back, but my hours were cut by 5 hours a week, 1 hour a day.

Yes, I am stressed. Yes, we are struggling to pay our bills right now. Yes, I am applying elsewhere and putting in my resume at other places.

Considering my pay is our main form of income. I despise myself for not having a better job already. I despise myself for not being able to provide for my family by knowing that we will keep a roof overhead.

On top of all of this, yesterday myself and my boyfriend caught some punk kids trying to steal a bike from the side of our house. As well as, one of the bikes had been previously stolen in the past few weeks. My son, had gotten that bike for his birthday a couple of months ago and now it is gone. We filed a police report and once I get a chance I will call my insurance company about possibly filing a claim. It was a big thing last night, talking with the police, having the parents of the boy bring him to our house to apologize and offer his services for yard work, as well as dealing with our stress… I need sleep. Actual rest to help clear my head and calm my nerves.

Then, this weekend, on Friday my boyfriend had already planned a lifestyle party. On Saturday, we have the obligation to go work at the club. For me, that is added stress. I hope maybe to laugh a bit and take my mind off of this situation and relax for one night at least. Maybe drink a bit and have my juices explode to relax some…

Anyway, I am sending out good vibes and warm wishes for you all!

Well, damn that sucks.

So, after a bad week already, Wednesday proved to be the icing on a shit cake. Wednesday, during the daylight, someone had attempted to beat my boyfriend’s sister, (his baby sister that lives with us), to death. And, after they beat her and left her there on the ground, they went to her job (where her boyfriend works too) and tried to stab him.

Wednesday night was all too surreal and it didn’t fully sink in. I couldn’t believe that had happened to her. As she spent the rest of that day, all night, and part of the next day in the hospital, at the house we were going crazy with our thoughts. And, on top of that we didn’t know the full story. But, when she came home yesterday and after she rested, I finally saw her and got the story. Now, when I finally saw her, I was sniffling, but then she hugged me. That hug sent my face into a flood. The culmination of the events from the week piled on my cheeks in the form of a waterfall. I didn’t know what to say. What made me feel better is knowing how strong she is. Although her face is in ruins right now, and swollen up from the guy’s boot who stomped her face, she is the same her. 4 people were beating her. 2 females and 2 males.

She was in her car, with the door shut, smoking a cigarette outside of a friend’s house when they came up by surprise, opened the door and yanked her out, and the attack began. Now, from what I have been told, I do not think that they intended on her living or her boyfriend living. It seems to me that they were trying to kill them both. I am just glad that they are both, for the most part, okay. We are all on the defense and watching everything that goes on. Those people who attacked her deserve to go to jail, but thus far I do not think that they have arrested anyone. They each deserve to be beaten until bloody, and then put into jail.

So, this past week was one of no sleep, our lawn mower and weed eater (brand new) being stolen off our front porch, me and my boyfriend’s bad nights and days, my body in pain, and now this. I have been exhausted and hurting all week. I think that last night after I finally fell asleep, it was a solid sleep. I only remember waking up a couple of times, but going straight back to sleep. I could have stayed in bed all day. I still need more sleep, but I guess that will happen another day. I have to keep going. I have to be the one who keeps the house going. I had all 5 kids the other day when all of that went on. I had the 4 of them over night. And, tonight I will have 4 of them again… and maybe all 5. (I usually have our 2 oldest at all times). If I don’t take care of the house no one else will.

I would like for this week to be over. I want it to be Sunday, the start of a new week. It has to be better than this week. We all need better luck and not as much stress. I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Oh and I literally just found out that my mom was told today that she has to go in for emergency surgery today. She has to have her gallbladder removed for her pancreas to start working properly again.

I am just waiting to see if anything else happens.

I found out 2 days ago…

So, the trouble I’ve had with my lower half is apparently due to the fact that I have inerstitial cystitis. I found this out 2 days ago after I had a specialist insert a camera into my bladder… OUCH!! Well, he has prescribed me with a medicine that will hopefully calm my symptoms. As  it seems to be helping my bladder symptoms, I have woken up yesterday and today at around 3 and can’t go back to sleep. Oh, and since being diagnosed with this, I was informed that any pain I feel during sex, I just have to get used to and get adjusted to for the rest of my life. I would take that pain over not being able to have sex with my boyfriend any day for the rest of my life. I can handle it!

Oh, and now this 2nd week of school is almost over for the kids and they are still doing great! I can’t believe how grown up my son is becoming. I am so very proud of him.

And, on a different note, I found out yesterday that my son’s father has gone back to jail! He failed a surprise drug test. He was on house arrest until June and still hasn’t been to court over his felony charges. Now, he’s back in jail and I hope he stays there… Also, his young girlfriend is going to have his baby…. I wonder if she thinks he will actually be any different with their child, because that would be a big, fat NO!!!!

Well, now that I have gotten that off of my chest I think that I will attempt to go lay back down with my wonderful boyfriend now. He is the most AMAZING person I have ever met and he gives me more than I could have ever asked for. Him and our kids are what I live for!

Any advice would be appreciated…?

Alright, so the asshole that I spoke of earlier, the one that I married, scared me into having “custody” of my son.

Now, when we separated the first time, back 4 years ago, I let him take my son for a few days visitation. When I went to go pick my son up, after that few days, he called the police on me and had me escorted off the property. The police told me that if I wanted to see my son again, then I would have to hire a lawyer and go to court for it. So, I hired a lawyer, a damn good lawyer for $2000. I received an emergency ex-parte, which allowed me to get my son and keep him safe. I also went to court for a temporary custody hearing which allowed his father to get him every other Thursday to Monday. Now, we never went back for a permenant custody hearing because I was stupid and thought that we could work on our marriage and to my “surprise” it DIDN’T WORK, but that caused what we did have in place to become null and void.

Did I forget to mention that the asshole has been a drug addict from a young age, a drug dealer, and an emotionally abusive person. Oh, and he’s a convicted felon. AND, he is a very convincing liar… VERY CONVINCING, but that can only work for so long. He can’t keep a place to live and moves every few months, or a job for that matter. Basically he is an overall BAD guy.

Alright, we tried working on our marriage, it didn’t work. We separated, 2 years ago we tried working on it again…. How long do you think that lasted? Yep, you guessed it, only a few months… BUT, by this time he had me so broken down, weak, and scared that he could flip on me at any second that I did a horrible thing, I let my son stay and live with him. He always told me that he’d kill anyone who kept him from his son… Meaning me in the end. I believed him that he would come and harm me if I did try and protect my son and keep him safe.

During the past 2 years I have still experienced the yelling, the emotionally abusive, and bi-polar and borderline personality disorder that is the asshole. And, on top of that he has kept me from my son… When I would call or message his response was that he was busy. Only every few months would he actually let me see him. And, because of not having the support and being scared of him I would bend and always go along with his demands and bring my son back when it was convenient for him.

A month ago or so, I was lucky enough to get my son for visitation… Now, within a week of me getting my son his father was arrested on 2 felony charges and 3 misdemeanor charges and put into jail. After 3 weeks of being in jail his bond was reduced and he was let out on house arrest just yesterday. Because I am emotionally stronger and have the support that I need, I am not letting my son go back into that situation. His father is not safe for him to be around.

I went to Child Protective Services earlier today, the asshole had already contacted them… He stated to them that I was medically neglecting my son, that he had dr. appointments to go to. So, I drove to my son’s doctor and they said he has already been seen. I called the place he was referred to and found out that his appointment for there had not been made yet, so I made one. While I was at my son’s dr. the asshole was contacted and they had me on the phone with him, which tore my nerves up more, but I wasn’t on long as I hung up on him because he kept yelling and trying to threaten me. Oh, and the asshole forgot to tell the CPS worker that he just got out of jail and is out on house arrest.

So, now I have talked to CPS, made a Dr. apppt. for my son, and I have called to schedule an appointment for custody mediation, but I am still plagued by this feeling that his father is going to be able to harm my son more, or me. (I am going to, tomorrow, schedule therapy for my son.) I, also, feel that I have started the correct steps to get custody of my son and put a stop to the assshole “brainwashing” him.

I just want to keep my son safe and make sure that he is healthy. If there is anybody that has any input, I am all ears. If anybody would like anymore information, I will provide what is asked. Thank you for letting me rant and get this off my chest, as my chest is quite heavy because of this…